To you

This is unnatural....this...how often I think of you
I can't just love you a little bit, I breath the memory of you
My emotions at any given moment just fall apart all around me. The world stops when I cry. I have to hold my breath to forget.
Listen, all I need you to do is love me.
Don't let me die this way
-Isabella

I am not strong

I can no longer allow the fear of your opinion to sap the energy out of my body and grip me with depression. I don't think I can take the feeling of anxiety replace my lungs anymore. 

I envy people who seem to be able to take such blows and go about their day

Once in a while I get overly attached to people who use me. I try to fill a void and I end up burned.

Sometimes people's only interest is sex and control 

Not only have I lost control. But I am so afraid of you. I know you lie. I know you bully.

I am not strong and cannot find my grip. Forever will I always be in the clutches of this loveless dance. 

Cheaters and liars always get away. 

Eating my flesh and putting me down. Striking me to the floor

Am I not allowed to be angry? 

I know my place, it's six feet under. 

I am not strong 

-Isabella 

What is wrong with people?

Just a small rant to vent

What is wrong with us as people? As a nation, as a whole? All this stuff happening in the world right now, and some of my peers still manage to remain undaunted by the diabolical world around them!
It astonishes me what we as human beings have been capable of doing to each other since the beginning of time. Just recently an eight year old girl died on her wedding night...

HER WEDDING NIGHT!

She bled to death while her HUSBAND tried to have sex with her. What the fuck are people thinking? Her parents, the adults? What kind of person is sadistic enough to have sex with a child? A CHILD!  I am at such a loss for words that at times I feel so hopeless. Like..fuck it. Forget it. What is going on with Human Rights? In Turkey a protestor was killed by the police. Again, what goes through someones head when you try to take their life? What the hell are you thinking? What is it that makes us think this is ok? In Syria the people including children, have been plagued with chemical warfare and unspeakable atrocities. 

Maybe we are wired to be cruel.

Maybe war is the answer

Maybe, this world is just a fucked up place to be

Humans, you disappoint me 

DirenGezi

Dear Readers...forgive me for I have sinned
Leaving you all alone and abandoning you for such a long time. I won't even bog you down with excuses but please forgive me.

Lately (no all the time) I have been real ashamed of my writing style. Like I said I am in no way a scholar, a good speller, a philosopher, or anything to be proud of. I write how I speak, and how I think sometimes I write how I think people want to hear things. But nevertheless my writing style is about as equivalent to a 5th grader. But hey, so what. There is always room for improvement right? Well in my case I need a miracle.

Everyone who knows me knows of my undying devotion to Turkish culture and Turkish people. Don't ask me why I just do. Turkey is one of those countries that people need to know more about. The history and the people.  Studying the Turkish language was one of the most difficult fucking things I ever had done. Most people don't know where Turkey is let alone if it's considered a middle eastern country or an Asian country. I am surprised at how little my peers know about Turkey. I have read the Turks introduced coffee to Europe, the Trojan War took place in Turkey, the capital of Turkey is Ankara. Some people might mistake Istanbul to be the capital.Istanbul is the largest city in Turkey.  Istanbul is the only city in the world that is located on two continents: Europe and Asia. Santa Clause was born in Turkey! Well St. Nicholas actually. But still you get the point. Turkey is full of very rich culture, food, politics, and most of all people.

This is why it saddened me I learned of the serious human rights violations taking place in Turkey during the OccupyGeziPark protest. I won't go over the reasons why the Turkish people are protesting or anything like that. I will leave that up to you to look up. But to sum it up in a few sentences... There was a sit-in protest in Taksim Gezi Park because the Turkish Prime Minister Recep Tayyip Erdoğan wanted to build a new shopping mall there. Gezi Park is supposed to be one of the few green spaces in Istanbul. Police have been BRUTALLY evacuation the peaceful protesters. A lot of protesters have been arrested, tortured, and beaten into silence since voicing their opinions.

The first few days of the protest my heart felt heavy. I have been constantly glued to my phone for news updates on the protest but there has been a lot of media silence on the issue. Corrupt government for me is an interesting topic because it is crucial to understand your RIGHTS as a HUMAN BEING.  People have died being exposed to excessive tear gas, being shot in the head by police, people have gone missing after speaking up against the Turkish government. Bloggers, photographers, peace activist, sons, daughters, brothers, sisters have been attacked and harassed by police for opposing the government. The government has put a lot of pressure and threats on media outlets daring them to expose the protest and what the police are doing to innocent people. How outrageous is that? 
I could not sit and do nothing. I could not watch and stay silent. I had to do something. But what could I do from far away? What could I say? I started a Solidarity Page on Facebook. 
Here is the link: https://www.facebook.com/SolidarityWithTurkeyoccupygezi
My goal and aim in making this page consisted of a number of things. I will share a few

1. Show support to the Turkish people
2. Stand in SOLIDARITY with the Turkish people
3. Remind protesters that we are watching and we are witnessing what is going on
4. Help protesters communicate with each other being there have been threats of shutting down the Internet from the Turkish government.
5. To show my loved ones in Turkey support and to let them know we will fight with them
6. I wanted to find a way to devote my attention to the people who protest and have been persecuted  for simply speaking up.
7. Teach all generations of people that when something is wrong, do not stay quiet.

My solidarity page garnered a lot of attention. Mostly good some bad. But mainly I received a lot of support. But I wanted to channel that support to the peaceful protesters around the world who stood with the Turkish people. I was dying to let people know that its okay to resist the government. Its not okay for the government to torture its people. Turn a deaf ear to the people. To ignore the people. We will not stand for it in any country. Social media has been a very instrumental and powerful tool for people around the world. But also for the protesters who could not rely on media for accurate information. Twitter and Facebook have been where I was getting a lot of information and videos on what was going during the OCCUPY protest. And it broke my heart. 

Some of the attention I received was from a Turkish newspaper based out of New York City (my home) they asked me if they could talk to me about the page I made. At first I asked why. Not because I didn't want to, but because I was surprised anyone would want to ask why I support Turkey. WHY NOT? IS ALWAYS MY REACTION.  When they asked for an interview I sort of knew they were serious and I went ahead and answered some of the questions they asked. It was later published online by two Turkish media outlets and I felt so proud. The interview is in Turkish so for those of you who don't speak Turkish I will provide a translation. I received messages from some people saying I had no right to be concerned with what is going on in Turkey because I am not Turkish. They told me to find my own country and stay out of theirs. Lots of people have told me I don't understand what the protesters have done and they supported the government. which is fine, I respect all opinions but it really pissed me off they people hated me for loving turkey. So I used the interview as an opportunity to explain to people why I support Turkey. I made it clear it wasn't just about Turkey but about human rights. I addressed the questions as specific as possible so that no one misunderstood my devotion to the cause. After the interview the person who interviewed me said she wished there was more people like me in the world. I remember how I felt when I read that. It was such a warm feeling. I have received letters from people around the world who thanked me for supporting the cause. But its not about me. Its about the people who sacrifice their time, life, and safety for a cause that I believe is noble. I just wanted to create a space where people could communicate respectfully and show support. 

I could go one, but I'm concerned i have rambled too much. I will provide a link to the article interview and hopefully people have a clear understanding of why I do what I do. 

http://posta212.com/guncel/gezi-olaylarinda-turkiyeye-facebookta-destek-sayfasi-acan-amerikali-isabel-asla-susmayacagim

Remember we are all one. One HUMAN RACE.


Ben Türkiye’yi seviyorum. Türkleri seviyorum. Ve ne olursa olsun asla sessiz kalmayacağım. Asla susmayacağım. İnsanlar beni Türkiye hakkında sessiz kalmam için zorluyorlar. Ama bir insan olarak, asla böyle bir yolsuzluğa/haksızlığa karşı duyarsız kalmayacağım. Tenlerimizin altında biz ‘insanların’ var olduğunu bütün dünyanın bilmesini istiyorum.  Bizi dinleyecekler! Sırf bir kaç Türk yerli bir Amerikalıdan destek aldığı için utanıyor diye, ben hiç bir zaman sessiz kalmayacağım. Hep birlikte hepimiz biriz!

Dreams of a Life

One sleepless night, laying down, bored with my ipad, I decided to get on Netflix and watch something...anything

While searching through my queue of endless films I came across a documentary that sort of caught my eye. Dreams of a Life.

Before I get into this film let me apologize beforehand for any grammatical errors, or if I seem overzealous in my writing. But this film left such a POWERFUL impact on me that I am left speechless.

Dreams of a Life is a film about a beautiful lady named Joyce Carol Vincent. Born 1965 this film/documentary left my heart racing, and my tears flowing. This documentary was so odd, somewhat satisfying, and left me asking more questions and drawing my own conclusions. Joyce was found dead in her London flat in 2003 after mysteriously going unnoticed for 3 whole years. Her television was still on and her body surrounded by half wrapped Christmas presents. How does a body decompose for 3 years strait in an apartment  with the television still on surrounded by neighbors? And on top of that her neighbors complained of a foul odor that seemed to have lingered in that area.

How bizarre is that? but what left me more bewildered was not so much how she died, but how she lived. The film talks to colleagues of Joyce, and former lovers/boyfriends and people who THOUGHT they knew her. Joyce undoubtedly was a very beautiful woman, as described by her friends all the men fell at her feet. She seemed very social to a certain extent but nevertheless had a pretty decent life and job. But somehow she slipped into non-existence, locked herself in her flat, and died.

What I found interesting about the film was that her friends and former boyfriends seemed to learn more about Joyce while the audience was learned about who Joyce was.  I was shocked by how little they knew about someone they seemed to be able to describe so immaculately. There was some points in this film where I had to pause and take a deep breath and think for a few minutes before proceeding on watching. That's how impactfull it was for me hearing about this very enigmatic woman who seemed a lot like me....

I mean, so many questions come up through out this film as I am watching it and the more I think the more bizarre  and strange her life seems. I had chills under my skin when at some points in the film, she seemed to come back to life. It was an intense realization that this person who almost seemed too perfect for words, was no longer with us. And had died and decayed for 3 years unnoticed.  3 YEARS! Again I ask, HOW DOES THIS HAPPEN?

I strongly suggest that people watch this film when they get a chance. I wasn't prepared for this film when I first watched it, I was not prepared for how obsessed I would become with Joyce's life, death, existence.  I wanted more answers and I needed to find out more. But like I said the more I seemed to ask the worse it made it. Like an itch you couldn't scratch. That's how  frustrating this was for me. As you do some research about Joyce you will start to gain some more revelations about her life and her unfortunate demise, some questions will be answered some will still linger. But it's important to learn something from this film. What did it teach you? What did it teach me?

I can't even put into words how this documentary impacted me. I dedicate this blog to Joyce and the life that she did live. I dedicate this blog to those who suffer with some sort of mental disorder and are recluse. I dedicate this to her 3 years of non-existence.



Links to the website where you cant get more information about the film
 http://dreamsofalife.com/

Joyce wikipedia page:
 http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Joyce_Carol_Vincent

more thoughts:
http://www.tumblr.com/tagged/joyce%20carol%20vincent

Where did the time go?

WOW. 2013 HUH?
well, with my right hand up I stand guilty. It's easy to get away from blogging and keeping up with things that you used to do on a regular basis. So many things have happened that has distracted me from blogging, and ranting. Even making videos! But I will TRY (no promises) to stay on top of letting you all know whats on my mind.


Whats new with you all? Talk to me!

Today is Sunday, March 31, 2013. Bored lazy Sunday. The family right now is watching the DUKE VS LOUISVILLE game. And in the first half of the game Kevin Ware had a very unfortunate accident. :( I hate sports with a passion especially basketball and I just so happened to be staring at the television when I saw what happened  So gruesome, so sad, so shocking to see him and the reactions of everyone in that arena. I wanted to cry for the man. I am not going to post a link or a picture of the injury but yea, I wish I didn't see that. And I have seen A LOT of things.  That's another story

Currently my new obsessions are The Walking Dead series that comes on television. I don't watch  much television. I catch most of anything on my iPad or on the internet. But I have been keeping up with that show and can't seem to remind myself that Walkers do not exist. I'm always visualize  myself in a world where I'm fighting against walkers and I try to think I would have to survive something like that. What would you do?

I recently finished a eight week course at the University of Edinburgh located in Scotland. Now, no I did not travel to Scotland I did this course online for free. The course I completed was the Introduction to Philosophy and let me tell you I didn't expect that class to be as thought provoking as it was. I thought I was just going to breeze through this course and move on. But that wasn't the case. I have found myself extremely frustrated with the process of philosophy and learning the different aspects of this topic. It was in the only word I can think of, exasperating. It seemed useless and one point to me. But I pulled through. I surprised myself in the Week 6 quiz. "Are scientific theories true?" That was the name of the course. We learned about the differences between realism and anti-realism. Semantic and epistemic aspect of scientific philosophy  This part of the course by far was the most maddening hard to understand course. And the quiz at the end of this course is the one where I scored the highest in. I think an A-. I was so happy to be done with this course I was so happy.  I am in no way a philosopher and I think I walk away from this course more confused than ever. But with a greater more respectful understanding of philosophical thinking. What I will testify to is that it (philosophy) has helped me to define myself and why I think of things a certain way. Especially religion.  It has helped me to better understand traditions, and tradition's of man. It put a lot of things and life long questions into perspective. 

My next course is psychology and studying the mind! After that, vaccines, and Latin American history. I have a passion for learning as you can see. Right now I am intensely  studying vaccines and the pros and cons of inoculation  I have written a blog on vaccinations before which became one of my most popular post. But I feel compelled  to diverge more into this topic and very controversial debate. 

wow, so there are a ton of things I want to rant about and talk about to you all but once I get my thoughts in order I will be back with some more opinions and questions and rants.  

If there is a subject you would like me to cover and talk about let me know. Comment and subscribe :)

-isabella 

no excuses

I know I suck.

I will have a full explanation as to why I have been incognito that last few months.

(insert remorseful  face here)

I have so many topics that I wanted to discuss with you all and talk about

stay tuned.....

xoxo -isabella