redbull insomniac

Hello everyone!

So i'm going to do something different and not blog about politics or crime etc.

I think I am just going to vent and let the words flow from my brain.

Wait backtrack... Today I am going to the Occupy Wall St. protest. I am so very excited to go to support my fellow brothers and sisters. Sorry I know I am talking about politics :)

But anyhow, This week is vacation and I want to catch up o

n all the sleep I can get. Lately I have been so drowsy. It is like I can't get enough sleep...yet I sleep too much. Does that make sense?

So I suffer from Insomnia and I feel like a zombie. :( it is sort of weird. I am more tired during the day, like I can barely keep my eyes open. But at night.... I am an owl. I can't fall asleep to save my life. I take over the counter prescription sleep medicine. But before i took prescribed AMBIEN.

AMBIEN IS A HELL OF A DRUG..... THAT'S A WHOLE OTHER BLOG.

So anyhow, before I started taking over the counters, I was taking am

bien that my doctor STRONGLY SUGGESTED I USE. I have never heard of ambien before and I decided to try it. That pill altered my memory mood everything. Sometimes I would not fall asleep right away and the side effects of ambien would take control.

Anywho...the over the counter meds almost have no effect on me anymore. My body has become desensitized to the drug and I can take 4 or 5 unisoms and it will do nothing for me. Sometimes if I'm lucky it will kick in right in the morning when everyone is up and ready to go..and I'm not.

I need to get my sleep schedule on track.. SERIOUSLY

Other than that, Life is dandy. I can't complain. It could be worse.

I can't wait for the new GRAND THEFT AUTO V to come out! I'm so ready to shoot prostitutes and blow down helicopters. Also... Call of Duty Black Ops is my new obsession.

k now im rambling...

adios

PS..LOOK AT MY AMBIEN FACE

de·pres·sion

de·pres·sion: the act of depressing.
2. the state of being depressed.
3. a depressed or sunken place or part; an area lower than the surrounding surface.
4. sadness; gloom; dejection.
5. Psychiatry . a condition of general emotional dejection and withdrawal; sadness greater and more prolonged than that warranted by any objective reason. Compare clinical depression.



I'm going to take a risk today and blog about myself. I'm reluctant to be transparent about my feeling because I'm scared. I'm scared of a lot of things. I think this will surprise the many people who thought they new me. There are a lot of things I hide. I'll share some of them.

Only few people know I suffer from depression. I'm currently on anti depressants for it..but I have mixed feelings about it. It wasn't really until I was "diagnosed" with depression that I honestly started to come to terms with how traumatic my life has been. I was strongly advised to try medication. I refused for a while because people told me that I was selfish for even "feeling" depressed. That I should keep my issues to myself. SNAP OUT OF IT! (MY FAVORITE ONE) oh there's nothing wrong with you! Your just young! I started feeling guilty for taking my medication because I was more afraid of what people would say or think. Everyone has an opinion on I should feel.

But no one understands some of the things I've been hiding.
Today I honestly feel horrible. I feel hopeless. I feel extinct Extinguished fat useless rushed. Just coming up with the words to try to xplain how hurt I feel is exasperating. A lot of people say "don't say that! Why would you say that about yourself?" Because its the truth. Who can you trust nowadays with your feelings without being judged or made fun of? Who cares about your feelings at that?

I'm tired of the religious advice to. I don't have enough faith so I'm depressed? Oh really. Interesting because the last time I looked in the dictionary and looked up depressed it didn't say: lack of faith in God.
Some people just don't know to to keep their thoughtless opinions to themselves. (Sigh) I dunno...maybe this will pass. I'm not sure why I'm writing about this. I just figured that I can remind myself I'm not crazy and I'm not making this stuff up.
Btw..I'm getting a little discouraged about 2012 conspiracy theories. I'm not saying that I do or don't believe it. But telling someone my age or younger that we have two years to live makes me look forward to nothing. If the world was really coming to an end in two years then what's the point of going to school,getting married,having children, dreams goals and ambitions? I'm always paranoid that I'm going to die a slow d painful death. What will happen 2012? I don't even care anymore I just don't want to Feel it.
-the end...srosly